It’s a notion that seems, on the face of it, preposterous. In recent years, Howard Stern claims to have harbored a deep secret. Six foot five and hung like an acorn! Where’s the goddamned towel? “Honey?!” He rushes out of the shower, almost forgetting the towel. Howard’s so excited about “The Howard 100 News” he’s got to tell Beth. Yes, Howard thinks, I want to host the Craptacular. Howard’s boss no longer permits fart noises on the air. Concentration is on his face … That’s funny! That’s genius! There in the steamy shower, Howard puts his fist to his mouth, like it’s a microphone: High Pitch approaches the Porta Potti. It’ll be the … Craptacular! Howard can imagine the hushed, reverent tones of the sportscaster, as if he’s describing Tiger Woods.
Like how about High Pitch Eric, one of his characters, who’s fat and disgusting and speaks like a girl, eats for a whole day.
And not just the gases! Howard hears that rich newscaster’s voice say, The Howard Stern Sports Department. Everything about the characters in Howard’s world, their fascinating lives, including, yes, the gases they pass. All the news you want about the universe that is Howard Stern. It’s like the radio gods are sending Howard a radio show. Except that instead of introducing the WINS newscast, Howard hears the voice intone, It’s “he Howard 100 News.” Then Howard hears a news anchor’s sonorous voice. It’s the way WINS, the all-news radio station, introduces its newscast.
#Are those howard stern s real curls series
He hears a series of sharp, percussive notes, like an old Teletype machine. Where the fuck is this coming from? Howard thinks. Which might be about the time that Howard hears the voice. Those fart jokes built an empire! That genius should get testicular cancer! Infuriating! Reduce Howard to fart jokes! What about his penis and vagina material? He practically invented saying penis and vagina on the radio! And his stripper bits and lesbian gags and his legion of deformed and defective characters? Howard’s boss ought to drop to his knees and thank him. Like how about that ad Howard’s boss took out? Good riddance to twenty years of stale fart jokes, as if he couldn’t wait to usher Howard out the door. Some thoughts, though, are like fish bones. In TM, you let distracting thoughts float right out of your mind. “ Fat!” is Howard’s reaction to a mirror. Is it the freaking bathroom mirror? From the shower, Howard can catch a glimpse of himself, enough to disturb anyone. Every morning and night, he empties his head, which is what he’d like to do right now. His hair, that dense wheel of curls, which, thank God, he still has, flattens against his head.
There are nozzles everywhere, like eight of them. In the shower, Howard powers up the hot water. Plus, Beth seems to feel a little ignored right now. That’s 48 hours of dead air to fill every single day. Sirius is betting $500 million (and, probably, its future) on Howard it’s given him two entire channels. In a few weeks, he will join Sirius, a satellite-radio company, where he vows to reinvent the medium. Every morning, Howard does four-plus hours of America’s most popular morning-radio show. Howard steps into the shower, a palace of curved, floor-to-ceiling glass, determined to escape the stress that is freaking brutal. Not with his very small penis- no need for Beth to see him unaroused. Howard’s not one to run around the apartment naked. So Howard sneaks off, pads across the whitish bathroom tiles, a towel secured around his waist. He’s in one of his obsessive funks, so frequent lately, and can’t wait to get under the hot water. All day, Howard Stern has felt so goddamned pressured. Photo: Dan Winters hair by Toni Coburn makeup by Eva Scrivo styling by Ralph Cirella and Marie BlomquistĪhhhh, the shower.
0 kommentar(er)
